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The UPS Driver Told Me....

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  • WeagleBeagle
    replied
    Be a Steve.

    Leave a comment:


  • noname762
    replied
    NO IDEA WHAT A HELLO KITCHEN COULD BE. I HEARD A SMART HOMES. whatever the hottest iphone is. Call ur house turn up thermostat light off your fake but cool looking natural gas room heater. I can turn it on when I get there. I'd like to see someone come up with a thermostat controlled road up to my MicMansion draw a HOT BATH FOR ME & HALF A DOZEN WHOPPERS FOR $15. I'd be set fer 3 days.

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  • noname762
    replied
    C'MON RR FESS UP... YOU WROTE THIS FUNNY **THE RONA STORY** DINT YA??? I ABOUT SPRAYED CHEWED UP WHOPPER ALL OVER MY FRONT READING ABOUT STEVE. I WAS ALL SET TO DRIVE MY TRUCK 2 STEVES PLACE. CUZ STEVE IS **DIALED IN.** THE RECLINER IS THE WAY TO SAIL A BOILERMAKER DOWN LIFES HIGHWAY ESPECIALLY WHEN TREEHUGGERS BAMBI SUPPORTERS AND BOB MARLEY TUNES ARE WAFTING THRU THE AIR. I GOTS ME SUM OLE TIMEY COUNTRY MUSIC ABOUT AS OLD AS TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD... I KNOOOOOOOWWW YOU HERDA TENNESSEE ERNIE FORD CUZ I DID MY FOLKS LIKED IT.. AND LISTENED TO IT ALL DAY WITH OLE BUCK RITCHIE ON COUNTRY KAYO IN LIL OLE LAKE CITY.... BRAD & NANCY WON'T MAKE IT NO WAY NO HOW. KAREN IS DUE TO BE FITTED FOR HER CUSTOM STRAIGHTJACKET. I HOPE OLD MARY DINT DRIVE HER HUMMER TO THE STORES FOR MO WINE AND SMORES CUZ WHO WANTS TO GO THRU THE RONA WITHOUT SUGAR CHOCOLATE & GUMMIBEARS AND FRESH COLD TANG TO WASH THOSE YUMMY CARBS DOWN WITH. . . HEINEKEN OR BECKS OR COLT45 AS WE HEAD 4 MICHIGAN AND SEE IF WE KIN HOOK UP WITH MARK FROM MICHIGAN.. BRING ALL YER VHS TAPES MARK........ I'M GONNA LOOK UP SISTER FROM PDF.NET. CHECKOUT THAT SURPLUS STORE RR WE'LL BE NEEDIN MO 1911 AMMO SHONUF.. C'MON RR LOOKEE ALL THIS MOUNTAINHOUSE FREEZE DRIED GRUB. THIS IS JUST LIKE RESTAURANT GRUB YEHAAAAAA. WE GONNA NEED MO TRUCKS.. HAY WHAT YA SAY WE GRAB THAT BURLINGTON NORTHERN SANTA FE ENGINE & GIT HER STARTED WOOT WOOT.. HOW TOUGH COULD IT BE??? R YA WITH ME RR? HUH R YA?

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  • Reasonable Rascal
    started a topic The UPS Driver Told Me....

    The UPS Driver Told Me....

    That he has noticed 5 types of customers since the “corona” struck:

    1) Steve: He has been waiting for this moment his whole life. He has been drinking boilermakers since 10:00 am in his recliner and his AR is within arms reach. He has 6 months provisions in the basement and a bug out bag due west buried in the woods. Steve demands a handshake as I give him his package. He’s sizing me up as I deliver his ammo.

    Steve will survive this, and he will kill you if he needs to.

    2) Brad: He is standing at his window wearing skinny jeans and a Patagonia t-shirt. He is mad because there were no organic tomatoes at Whole Foods today. He points at the ground where he has taped a 6 ft no go zone line from his porch. I leave his case of Fuji water, organic granola bites, and his new “Bernie Bro” hat at the tape.

    Brad will not survive. Steve will probably eat him.

    3) Nancy: She has sprayed everything with Thieves oil. Bought all the Clorox wipes, hand sanitizer, toilet paper, meat, and bread from the local grocery chain. She has quarantined her kids and sprays them with a mixture of thieves, lavender, & mint essential oils daily. She has posted every link known to man about “The Rona” on her social media. She will spray you if you break the 6 ft rule. I will leave her yet another case of toilet paper.

    She will last longer than Brad, but not Steve.

    4) Karen: She has called everybody and read them the latest news on “The Rona”. She asked for the manager at Food Lion, Walmart, Publix, McDonalds, Chi-Fil-A, and Vons all before noon demanding more toilet paper. Karen’s kids are currently faking “The Rona” to avoid her. I’m delivering “Hello kitchen” to her.

    Karen will not survive longer than Brad.

    5) Mary: Is sitting in the swing watching her kids have a water balloon fight in the front yard as she is on her fourth glass of wine. She went to the store and bought 2 cases of pop tarts, 6 boxes of cereal, 8 bags of pizza rolls, And a 6 roll pack of toilet paper. There is a playlist of Bob Marley, Pink Floyd, and Post Malone playing in the background. I’m bringing her second shipment of 15 bottles of wine in 3 days.

    Mary will survive and marry Steve. Together they will repopulate the earth. May God have mercy on us all.
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