No announcement yet.

Cats are idiots.

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Cats are idiots.

    Long story condensed as much as possible.

    I generally hit the floor between 0430 and 0500. The dog got accustomed to that while I was working, and still thinks she needs out then. I'd rather get up with her than deal with the consequences of not doing so. And so it goes now that I've retired. Anyhow, now that I have retired, I've developed a habit of going and kicking back in the recliner somewhere between 0730 and 0800 and catching an hour or so nap, just because I can.

    Two of the Wife's three cats have decided that I'm the best sleeping spot in the world. I can't figure that one out, because it's still pretty much Summer down here, and it's hot, but Shoulder Cat and the old one-eyed female both think that my lap is the place to be while I'm taking my nap. They vie for the prime spot about my belt buckle, and the other one camps on the foot rest between or upon my knees. They will show up very fast when I release the foot rest on the recliner.

    Anyway, this morning was funny, for some values of "funny". I ambled off into the Living Room and landed in the recliner, and immediately released the foot rest. Not one of the cats, but both, decided to leap up in the middle of my lap, from opposite sides of the recliner. They met effectively head on.

    Keep in mind that one of these cats only has one eye, and the other one is almost two cats in weight. Clumsy, both of them are. And they hit, head on, right in the middle of me.

    I've got a fair collection of Cat skid marks on both of my thighs, and the back of my left hand. I'm proud that it's the back of my left hand.

    I took the Boxing Referee's word for it when the cats started jumping up on me. "Protect yourself at all times". And so I was. Had I not had my left hand where it was, I'd have had some nasty cat claw marks in some places that us guys really don't want them. 'Nough said about that part, but the really cute part was when I proceeded to call them anything but a nice cat, and my wife threw a fit because I was using bad language at her cats.

    Whatever. I quit bleeding in a half-hour or so, and all is back to normal now. For today. "And Tomorrow is another day, so I'll worry about it then."

    Alle Kunst ist umsunst Wenn ein Engel auf das Zundloch brunzet (All skill is in vain if an angel pisses down the touch-hole of your musket.) Old German Folk Wisdom.

  • #2
    Dog are Jerry Lewis..

    Cats are Frank Sinatra.

    My "favorite" was when a large, new cat decided to jump on my shoulder from the rear, and figured to do the lineman's climbing spur thing.


    • #3
      All of my 5 cats enjoy lying on my body somewhere when I'm in the recliner (and that's where I sleep). They come and go as they please and if I'm asleep I don't usually even notice it. Smudge (big white cat) weighs about 20 pounds so his antics are noticeable. Goldie (alpha female) is jealous and rude, so she gets feisty with the others sometimes--fortunately, she has been declawed (the others have not) so her fights don't usually cause wounds. Socks (one-eyed boy) likes to sit on the top of my recliner and lick my scalp. Silver (Goldies littermate sister) likes to mess with my beard. Taupe (half-Siamese no tail) is very elusive and she spends little time with me. The most I've ever had on me simultaneously was 4, and that didn't last long.

      [FONT=Arial]When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." [/FONT]

      Texan by choice, not accident of birth


      • #4
        A 'shoulder cat' would not be the problem the 42 pound Corgi is for the Wife's shoulder when we are in my truck. Normally it is just me driving and the Corgi owns the consol. Evidently he thinks the wife is too close in the front seat so his now favorite place to ride is between her shoulder and the head rest. I keep kidding the wife about her funny looking Parrot in my best Pirate voice.

        For some reason she doen't think it is funny.

        Jefferson101, NOW you know why I had our cat de-clawed!


        • #5
          Years ago due to a daughter who worked at the Humane Society preparing for vet school, we at one time had seven cats.

          All seven would lay on my wife in the winter because she's so warm.
          They'd lay on her from her ankles to her stomach on the couch.

          It looked like the worlds weirdest bobsled team.

          After that we had Pomeranians.

          First up was Killer, because when she was a kid my wife wanted a Pom named Killer.
          After Killer we had a Black and Silver Pom named Merlin.

          Killer was a lover who liked to cuddle.
          Merlin was the original hyper wild dog.

          Killer....He was smiling because he knew I was a sucker and he was getting a treat.

          Merlin. One of the very few times he stood still long enough for me to get a photo.
          Notice the over-large fangs..... he could shred any dog toy in 30 seconds.

          Now people will laugh when I tell them that Poms are the best guard dog.
          First, they have some of the best hearing of all dogs, and will blow the roof off at an intruder.
          Second, not one ax murderer ever made it past the living room.
          After they alerted us it was up to us to deal with any problems.