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Check 'Display Signatures' in user area.

If you want to see signatures at the bottom of member's posts, check your user area and make sure this box is checked. The default mode is 'Off'.
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Strike Through Text Option now on-line

You may now use the Strike Through option in the post text editor.

There is a square blank button located at the end of the options on the right. I could not get the 'S' to show up, but the button still works.
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Reload your Avatars

If you wish to have your avatar visible again you will have to reload it to the board. The old avatars did not transfer to the new file system.

Stay tuned for more.
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Contributor Status Titles

Gentlemen, Assault Web greatly appreciated your monetary contributions to keep this forum alive and running as we make the transition to a new server and upgraded software.

I have been working to upgrade title for those members who have made a monetary contribution to the form. Unfortunately, I have been met by some resistance to comply by the forum software and I am unable to make these administrative changes.

Your donations have been duly noted and at such time the forum software is upgraded, so will your status.

The Back Room
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Christmas letters are not what they used to be

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  • Christmas letters are not what they used to be

    Timmy writes a Christmas Letter

    Dear Santa,
    How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the
    reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year.
    I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 5 for Christmas.
    I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
    Merry Christmas,
    Timmy Jones

    * *

    Dear Timmy,
    Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all
    fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting.
    Santa wouldn’t want you to get fat.
    Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I’ll bring you
    something you can go outside and play with. Merry Christmas,
    Santa Claus


    Mr. Claus,
    Seeing that I have fulfilled the “naughty vs. Nice” contract,
    set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to
    granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn’t want to turn this
    joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don’t you think that a jibe at
    my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
    Tim Jones
    * *

    Mr. Jones,
    While I have acknowledged you have met the “nice” criteria,
    need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it
    a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action,
    well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorney’s have been
    on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be
    more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I
    alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and
    potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
    Very Truly Yours,
    S Claus
    * *

    Now look here Fat Man,
    I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it.
    I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this.
    Now you just be disrespecting me. I’m about to tweet my boys and we’re gonna be waiting for your fat ass and
    I’m taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
    * *

    Listen Pizza Face,
    Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught,
    sweats a skinny G-banger wannabe? “He sees you when you’re sleeng; He knows when you’re awake”.
    Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal.
    I got your **** wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now,
    you’d throw up your Totino’s zza roll all over the carpet of your mom’s basement.
    You’re not getting what you asked for, but I’m still stopng by your crib to stomp a mud hole in you’re ass and
    then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
    S Clizzy

    * *

    Dear Santa,
    Bring me whatever you see fit. I’ll appreciate anything.

    * *

    That’s what I thought you little bastard.
    FAT I\'m not fat, I\'m Tactically Padded